Forgiveness

One of the priests at a retreat we attended this past weekend mentioned a quote he recently saw on a billboard in NYC that read:"Love means never having to say you're sorry."

Father thought it came from a movie, and he was right.

It's from a 1970 film called Love Story that Tim and I bought from a $5 bin at Walmart I believe, and brought with us and watched on our honeymoon. (On our laptop, in our tent, in a rainstorm, in the Rockies. One-of-a-kind honeymoon, right?) We should've done a little more research on our cinema selection. The film was pretty depressing, didn't completely make sense, and obviously, had a skewed perception of love.

Here's the study! Journal + DVD

Coming across this movie in our give-away box reminded me of what I've been learning about forgiveness, and have been meaning to share. This semester my Bible study girls and I are using an Ascension Press study that guides you along a real encounter with the Christ in the Scriptures, so that He can teach you about what it means to live a radically Christian life. We've been loving it. The first two weeks we explored love, and the past two, we've been studying forgiveness.

It seems so basic at first, right? We pray mindlessly in the Our Father: "forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us..." But as we've been examining forgiveness in the Scriptures, I've been blown away.

Of course we need Jesus to forgive our sins to restore us to the Father. And, of course, that's why we go to confession and make examinations of conscience. Even asking for forgiveness when we've hurt someone we love-- that's not so hard to remember. Our conscience tells us we've done something wrong, and the offended party is mad at us, so why wouldn't we apologize and ask for forgiveness?

What's been getting me is how much MORE is required of us. How we have to forgive those who hurt us, without expecting repayment. Without a formal apology. Without even the slightest acknowledge on their behalf that they've done us wrong. Whether they know they've hurt us or not. Even if they meant to hurt us. And what's more: we're called to pour out love and blessing on top of the forgiveness we give. YIKES! (Good thing we're given the grace to do so. I know I'd be rendered completely incapable left alone.)

I was reminded during the study that at the Last Supper (and again at every Eucharistic celebration), Jesus says that His blood has been poured out for the forgiveness of sins. Do I really want to render inefficacious the precious blood of Jesus poured out by my stubbornness? Um, not really. Yet, how often do I?

In Jeremiah, it hit me that when God said He would forgive His people, He promised to "remember their sin no more." Remember someones sin no more? Forget it completely? Forget how they hurt me? Tall order. The best my girls and I could come up with was to ask and strive for emotional amnesia. That even if we can't forget what happened, that the hurt and the emotions would be taken away completely.


I know in my 15 months of marriage, "love [does NOT] mean never having to say you're sorry." It means saying it all.the.time. And asking often, "have I hurt you?" Because forgiveness is SO central to the Gospel, and such a huge part of love, Satan is after it like crazy. Maybe the movie meant that in love, we should be SO forgiving that no apology is necessary for forgiveness to take place, but I think it's best to know assume one another will always be saintly and in the best mood ever. Satan is setting traps left and right to upset us, to try to tongue-tie us, to let hurt and unforgiveness make us sick, brew hatred, grow bitterness. It's not pretty. To love means to forgive unconditionally, actually. Just as our Lord loves us.


Like the story of the ungrateful servant who was forgiven his unfathomably huge debt by the king, but wouldn't forgive a minor debt owed him by a peer, we are calling bondage and misery upon ourselves if we don't forgive as we haven been forgiven. Even without an apology, even without recognition. We are called as Christian to forgive freely, generously, endlessly.

I'll borrow the quote from the beginning of the chapter:

"To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable,

because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you."

- C.S. Lewis